Leaving loss in 2017

I wanted to write about what I'm leaving behind in 2017 to finish out the year, but I didn't know how to start. It's fresh and painful and not entirely my story to tell. So many women have lived this life, and I can't speak for them. It may be bigger in their lives. It... Continue Reading →

Why I posed naked for a book about sexual assault (and why it’s not contradictory)

Let’s start with the formalities.
My name is Nicole.
I was raped when I was 16.
I was drunk.
I was wearing a t shirt and shorts.
I took a drink from a random guy I’d been chatting to for about half an hour.
I was drugged.
I woke up covered in blood. My white shorts were almost entirely red.
I don’t remember his name.
It was the first time I’d ever had ‘sex.’
I wasn’t asking for it.
I bled for days.
I scrubbed my body so hard my skin bled too.
I hurt for years.
I refuse to be ashamed any more.

With loving kindness

Clarity appears in the quiet places, so I'm sitting with myself and my strengths and failings tonight. We are often hardest on ourselves. Trying to treat myself with kindness as my first priority. When I'm too hard on myself it leads to some seriously unhealthy behaviours, the least of which has left me with more... Continue Reading →

That’s how the light gets in

*soundtrack to my mood tonight, if you want to really feel this blog: Alice in Chains - Heaven Beside You Have you ever seen the movie Sliding Doors? Basic premise: How would your life be different if it weren't for that one twist of fate, if you hadn't missed the train, taken that right turn,... Continue Reading →

Is this rock bottom yet…again?

I'm never sure how to put into words what dealing with this disease really takes from me. Or whether I should talk about it at all. We talk about the pain, the symptoms, the treatments, the surgeries, and are called 'brave' for it. But we talk about how it makes us feel and there's always... Continue Reading →

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